I've Got Nothing to Prove

in_stride_voice @ 2008-04-17T21:31:00

2008-04-18T04:35:28Z

Damn me, I let my perogies get cold. Oh well. Made em meself i did. thas right.

Has been a great week. now facebook knows it. i <3 my family.

So darn excited for baby!! less than 4 weeks til my due date. So far, I think we have everything...minus a crib. Must get crib. In the middle of moving, there is so much hectic crazy wow going on! Must pack, must cancel utilities, must get ready for moving sale, must change addresses, must not stress out!

Bath relaxation time.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-04-11T20:06:00

2008-04-12T03:17:14Z

It feels like I had more to write about when i had more friends.. where is it heading, this "rest of my life"? I am happy, and quite satisfied, however it seems to me that there is something I'm missing. Maybe it's just that this feeling never really goes away. Maybe I'll never really feel totally and fully in control of my life until much much later on. Hm....interesting.

Watched Zeitgeist. Compelling. It seems that Big Brother is closer to reality than once believed. I fear that day with every fibre in my body. I only hope there is repentance in some form of all or some of the elite powers. I also hope that the human race eventually decides to take a good long look at themselves and realize that we are in fact, human. I include myself in that category as well (duh) seeing as how I too have been made to ignore and be oblivious to the dealings of government propaganda and media manipulation. It is going to be interesting how the world will be in the next 10 years. And then again, how much more of this turmoil and class war can be tolerated when in fact, it has been happening for centuries upon centuries? Random tangent but also something that really makes me uneasy to think about.

Oh, anyone have $15,000 they wanna lend me? Interest free peferrably.

yeah, okay.

Moving Time Again...

2008-03-29T22:09:38Z

So we've officially got a new place over on Franklyn Road at the Bristol Apartments. So excited on that. We move in sometime on or before May 1st. It's a little smaller than our current place but it's off of a main road, its the top floor so we'll actually have a view and the best part about it...we're right across the street from Ben Lee park!! Yeauh!

We're going to be saving quite a bit on rent and utils and so far...i'm stoked.

Well i think i'm going to toddle off to work. I'm effing sleepy though....maybe i'll get to sit in a corner and do nothing again! I wish...

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-27T13:43:00

2008-03-27T20:46:21Z

dear lord this place is sooo effing messy!

Had the first birth class last night. Really cool and informative. I have a really big day to prepare for..yikes!! I'm getting lazier and lazier if that's at all possible. i just wanna crawl in a hole and die. Ughh.....

Spent 241.00 on baby things from Wal-mart...Exciting!! Can't wait for the actual shower. We did get most of the necessities though.

Methinks it's naptime.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-20T22:11:00

2008-03-21T05:21:57Z

tee hee . my mom just called. Then after we spoke about our easter plans, she called back.

"You know, i was thinking...I like 'granny' instead of grandma. Because I'm a smaller person. So I think it should be 'granny'."

Yay!! that made me smile.

Another thing made me smile today as well. Today i was watching the celebrity apprentice and Trace Adkins was doing a charity event and needed to meet with the Backstreet Boys. Nick asked him if they could get wheat grass in their dressing room. Trace looked at him like he was nuts! Sooo funny! Silly backstreet boys, you're really not famous enough to be asking for wheat grass at a charity event. Losers.

holy shitaki, i just dissed bsb.....i must be losing my marbles.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-15T01:29:00

2008-03-15T08:36:44Z

fuck man. Im so totally emotionally drained. I literally cannot handle this anymore. My hormones are raging, i've got 20 extra pounds and a pot belly, my joints all ache, my feet and ankles are swollen, i can't sleep, i pee too much, and i'm always too fucking tired to do anything. I fucking hate this so much right now!!! i'm sick of being pregnant, just cut me open and take this baby out of me!! I want to go back to my usual activities, whatever they were before i was preggo. if you see me walking down the street and you're thinking "wow, she's glowing!", don't be fooled. its probably just because im sauced. haha just kidding. But seriously, i wish there was something i could do to cope with all of this. Why can't i trade off with adam. Here, you be pregnant for the last two months, i did the first seven. AUGH!! i wish it was that easy. I just want to scream and cry and beat things up with my fists of fury, DAMMIT!!!! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-14T16:24:00

2008-03-14T23:32:04Z

I was a grumpy today. I h8 that everything is so much harder for me to do. I had a breakdown last night. Adam made me ice chippies and hugged me. it was comforting.
My engagement ring doesn't fit me anymore. Stupid swelling of hands and feet. Now i'm wearing it on my pinky.
So much dishes....UGGHHHH!! someone do it for me. NOW.

i'm boring today.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-13T18:09:00

2008-03-14T02:16:01Z

Jeremiah was a bullfrog *da da dun* was a good friend of mine *da da dun* i never understood a single word he said, but i helped him drink his wine.

Bancouber on Tuesday for yet ANOTHER ultrasound. If i have to drink one more ounce of water to keep my bladder full, i may just prematurely deliver! Sheesh. I should be doing lots and lots of dishes. I should be vacuuming. i should be doing laundry. I should be tidying. But I'm not going to. Maybe if i get SUPREMELY bored. Thanks to limewire and my laptop..i dont think that will happen.

It's nice remembering good times.

gooblahbleee

2008-03-11T21:49:07Z

i am not comfortable. that is to say, i am uncomfortable...

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-04T01:09:00

2008-03-04T09:42:44Z

Well that sucked...crying because i didn't do the laundry right?? I'm really going to have difficulties with parenthood.

I'm mostly scared because all I can think about at times like these are the times my mother and i argued and I would say horrible, horrible things to her about how she made me feel and how much i hated her. And I see now that all she was trying to do was instill with me with life's most important lessons. Granted, I have retained more of these lessons than i thought was possible, but of course I'm still learning along with everyone else. It just makes me worry that, now that i have all of these "tools" for presenting myself professionally and in an honourable manner, will I be able to pass them on to my children? How will i remain calm when they throw themselves on the ground in tantrum? How will i protect them when they run out of my reach towards the busy street? What will i say when she or he comes home crestfallen for not making the team? Getting teased by their peers? What will i do when they come home smelling like pot? Sneak out of the house at three am to meet some stranger?

I can't even begin to wrap my head around all the possibilites and opportunities for failure on mine and adam's part. i've never been presented with such an extreme, no..paramount assignment such as this. I am not saying that I regret anything or that i would reverse it if i could. Indeed I'm more than ready to face my fears and insecurities. At this point, I do find it very difficult for me to be anything but optimistic toward this endeavor. Though i forsee a mountain of worry, guilt, shame, anxiousness, self-doubt, pity and a multitude of other emotions, I know in my heart that I am quite well-equiped to handle the role of "mother". For one thing, I have my child's father with me every step of the way. And though he may not always know the exact right thing to do or say at the time, I find him very open-minded and strong-willed. and these I find are always two very important traits in a successful father. For another thing, we both have his and my parents who are both quite different in their approaches, and yet very similar. Especially being kind of spirit and hopeful for justice and peace.

Yes, this pregnancy has come unexpected, unplanned and unprepared for. I do feel though, that God would not have allowed us to concieve if we were not ready both in mind and spirit for the task. I suppose I'm really just pysching myself out. As my mother would say, "just take things slowly, one day at a time. God is always there so whever you feel like you need guidance or strength, just ask". I take great comfort in those words. All in all i believe that this child is going to prove as the biggest blessing life ever offered. And with just two and a half months until his or her arrival, i think I just need as much rest and relaxation as I can possibly get at this time.

Time for me to sign off now. Josh Groban has so kindly lulled me into my sleepy-time state. Good night world.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-03-02T13:37:00

2008-03-02T21:48:06Z

im gonna laugh at y'all while you standing looking bored, holding up the wall...lol

Adam hates that song. Oh well i think it's cool. So the birthday party was fun. It's always entertaining watching Kim get smashed. I think adam is excited with his new budding "bromances".
Today i went to my first baby shower-ish thing. It was hosted by welcome wagon at the Coast Capri. Dayum, there's a lot of preggies in town!! i never saw so many pregnant bellies in one room. Crazy! i was hoping to win a door prize or too, but alas that did not happen. Maybe I'll win one of the draws I entered. I hope so, cuz we could really use some help getting ready for baby. It's actually pretty bad that we haven't prepared very much yet. Hopefully baby doesn't decide to pop prematurely.
As I get closer and closer to the day, I can't help but feel like i'm still not quite ready. Then i'm thinking, "Hurry up baby!! I want to take care of you!!" Sigh...being a mommy is going to be such a huge adjustment. It's kinda scary. All the vaccinations, the financial stuff to apply for. The good thing is that I'm young and though i'm not quite finacially stable, the people in my life are, my parents, adam, his parents. They're all people I can rely on to be there for me in the long run. And that makes me feel very good.
Off to work again today...lame. I hate sitel. But sundays are slow so that's good.

Now time to enjoy my seafood linguini, courtesy of my boo. yummmmmmyy!!!

I Wants a Slurpee

2008-03-01T05:10:04Z

So it appears we might be moving in with Adam's brother, Dustin. I guess that means Joel will be on his own for the first time in quite a while. About time, as well. As for how it will be living with Dustin, im not too sure im sure how that will be. I dont know how it will be getting use a roomate again. Adam and i have been on our own for almost a year now and so far i've liked it way better than living with others. Oh well, we'll see what we find.
So in my opinion, Gene Wilder makes a way better Willy Wonka than Johnny Depp.
But anyway, i think im going to take a short nap before i have to go pick my baby boo up. Then maybe i'll treat myself to that slurpee...

in_stride_voice @ 2008-02-27T21:00:00

2008-02-28T05:06:34Z

Off to Kelly O's tonight!! WOOOOOT!!! I haven't been in soooo long and pachos, mcracken rolls, and crab and artichoke dip call! Sweetness. Its Kim and Simons birthday today. Yeah, same year and everything. CRAZY! Me and adam are lookin pretty fly if i do say so myself. After kelly O's we're off for adventures at the Bella Cera. it will kinda suck being the only one not drunk, but adam has promised to not get drunk so hopefully he keeps his promise. Groowwwlllll my tumbly is rumbly!

in_stride_voice @ 2008-02-26T21:40:00

2008-02-27T05:57:35Z

three whole years relived in the form of my previous livejournal posts. I realised several things.

one: Most importantly, i was a HUGE douchebag. its no wonder i had so many self esteem issues and depression. Not to mention fear of commitment. im not neccessarily a complex person, just misguided and jaded.

two: there are very few people who took the time to understand that phase of my life and who were quicker to judge and critisize. Several of whom i'm glad to say are no longer influential or even present in my life. No wonder my mom always told me that i wouldn't meet my true friends until i am out of high school. As always of course, there are exceptions and to those people, all i can say is thank you for your tolerance during my stupidity.

three: i am so completely and utterly content in my life right now I would not change one single aspect of it. Honestly, the happiness I know now is MONUMENTAL compared to the happiness i always thought I had when i was with someone. One year, six months ago I found love (or it found me) and not looking back since has been the greatest blessing I've ever experienced.

That was quite an eventful three years.

So after seeing troy sara and baby today, still not hearing from joel, adam left for work while i stayed at home being denied overtime AGAIN. Later on today though, after talking to his mom, adam calls me to tell me that he just got off the phone with his mom who had just spoken with none other than our good friend. turns out he took dustin's car and was out using. i dont even know what to say to that. I definately do not want our baby to have a crack head uncle and this is seriously crossing the line. i cannot bring myself to even consider him part of my family. How harsh is that?! i can't do it. Ever since the first time I heard adam talking about him using, I have had little to no trust in him. But thankfully we have our own choices to make and mine are definately going to include never being around him again. What a disappointment. i swear, adam is more mature than the two of them put together. His brothers, that is. Speaking of adam, I must go pick his ass up. Peace out.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-02-25T14:02:00

2008-02-25T22:17:54Z

We are nerds.

So Adam's brother kinda effed off the other day with his other brother Dustin's car. That kid is such a headache...and by kid i mean, CHILD. Which is the mentality that he's in. He's stuck in this residual "ME ME ME!!!" stage for some reason. It's hard because we, as in adam and I, have so much positive in our lives right now and there's no need for us to be dealing with this kind of crap. Oh, I guess I forgot the main reason we're all freaking out is because he's a recovering addict and this is like the umpteenth time that something like this has happened. i'm so done with it.

But other than that, I learned how to sketch a room yesterday. It was pretty. I are proud of myself for being good at stuff. I love the course i'm taking. It makes it so easy to excel because the material is all taught on audio cds and its all very easy to understand. the rest basically comes from talent and personality. quite the epic adventure i have embarked on.

Baby is kicking lots. Oooh Bob marley!! thanks, adam :) "I wanna love you......and treat you right" Ohh, i see. Well, today is adam's dad's birthday. he Passed away in 2005 and every year we try to take this day for reflection. It's always been a special day between adam and i. I unfortunately never got the pleasure of meeting him, but I still feel like i know him from all the stories i hear. especially since our trip to saskatoon to visit his grandma and aunts and uncles. i've even had a single dream where I've met him. Im sure nothing compares to the real thing though.

anyway, this day is dedicated to the memory of Alan Charles Abernethy. May he rest in peace and look down on his family and friends with all the love and laughter that he shared with them in life. You are missed.

in_stride_voice @ 2008-02-24T15:09:00

2008-02-24T23:15:38Z

53 weeks since my last post eh?? Well considering i don't suck at life anymore i think I'll start using this thing again.

Quick update:

- pregnant
- started course in interior design
- engaged (still) to adam
- pretty damn happy

So like i said, this whole not sucking at life seems to have come at a most opportune time. stability, functionality and flow all seem to be presenting themselves to me in a most constructive way. Learning to be adult really takes less practise and more instinct. Either way it makes me happy :)

Made some good ass banana chocolate chip muffins last night. Adam's reaction when he stepped in the door was GOLDEN!!

Am looking forward to seeing his stepbrother and his family soon. They have a new addition to their family, a boy named Amadeus. Which always gets me thinking of that new subaru commercial that's out.

Damn. Time to punch the clock. Grrrr...

Best Valentine's Day EVER!!

2007-02-15T22:06:33Z

So I guess I wasn't too far off with the last few posts. That's right, as of last night I am the future Mrs. Bianca Abernethy!!

Check out that bling!!

in_stride_voice @ 2007-01-12T09:13:00

2007-01-18T17:19:55Z

So me and teh boyfriend are all moved in. Still a few loose ends to tie up but things are moving slowly but surely.

I look back on pictures of my hair last year and in '05. I don't think i will ever cut my hair again.

in_stride_voice @ 2007-01-05T08:07:00

2007-01-05T16:15:21Z

I'd like to wish you all a happy new year. Thanks to those who made it...memorable.

Getting flowers for no reason at work from the most wonderful boy in the universe is nice. I am looking forward to moving in with him and our best friend jake.

At this point i'm finally starting to look forward to a career. i will be taking some tourism courses and applying for a job as a flight attendant with WestJet. Moving to Calgary will be fun as well as getting married in the next year or two. Don't worry, there's no engagement ring yet. But soon people....very soon.

Working out is le hard and le satisfying as well. As is being back in dance. Lyrical dance is a fun new adventure.

I wish i didn't have to be awake right now....

in_stride_voice @ 2006-11-30T09:44:00

2006-11-30T16:44:55Z

Come to think of it...that's a good question. Why do I fight so hard for this when I've had several opportunities to give up and be on my own again? Hm...Maybe I love him. Maybe I see myself being his wife. Just maybe I see myself having his children and growing old with him. Hm....we'll see what happens. He does need a lot of work battling his trust issues. But sooner or later all will be right with the world again. Because it always is when I'm with him.

I'm never going to give up.

in_stride_voice @ 2006-10-24T12:22:00

2006-10-24T19:42:47Z

Why hello there little journal o mine! Why, i almost forgot you were here! Well i have a story to tell you.

Once upon a time there was a girl who had the best boyfriend in the world. He did the sweetest things for her and made her feel more beautiful and more special than any other boy in the world.
One night that just so happened to be yesterday and also their one-month anniversary, he and his three friends; Jake, Nathan, Jordan, sent fireworks up in the air in celebration of their love (but mostly just because it was cool). The girl giggled and laughed at the spectacle but couldn't help feeling left out of the fun. Not wanting to light a firework for the fear it would blow up in her hands, she kept quiet. That's when her loving, caring and wonderfully adorable boyfriend presented her with her very own "firework". She trembled as he lit it in her hands. And then all of a sudden with a flash, the object lit up. It was not a firework, but in fact a sparkler. Her boyfriend had wanted her to share in the delight and they all laughed and hung out as the memories etched themselves in her mind forever.

The End.

in_stride_voice @ 2006-09-25T11:39:00

2006-09-25T18:50:31Z

today at work I was brought a bouquet of a dozen roses. I think i may be in love....

A.B.A + B.M.M.H = <3

in_stride_voice @ 2006-09-13T09:13:00

2006-09-13T16:18:51Z

I am also in like, Audrey. he slapped my ass yesterday and told me he'd call me next weekend. I don't get to see him until tuesday :(

So it sucks that me and Zack didn't get the dream apartment. It's probably for the best (for now).

I think my sunday night can be summed up in one short phrase: All sorts of fucked up! i hope the boys don't think less of me because i puked. oh wait, they're my best friends!! of course they do!

sigh....i can't wait til next weekend.

in_stride_voice @ 2006-09-08T09:25:00

2006-09-08T16:31:19Z

God Damn this is pretty much the best thing to ever happen to me in teh whole world. Zack Erikson, have i told you lately that i love you? Because I do.

So, possibly sharing an apartment in the rizty-est neighbourhoods in my city with quite possibly the most charming boy in the entire world. Not to mention that he (along with another strapping young lad whom i've also befriended) will never EVER fuck with my emotions or screw me over. This is an event that will go down in history books, i'm sure.

So once again, Bianca is planning a move and will hopefully be able to do so within the next month's time.

I love my life.

in_stride_voice @ 2006-09-04T17:47:00

2006-09-05T00:48:06Z

Bianca got to see Jonnie Bridgman today! She also watched Cruel Intentions with Kim. She's also very sad that someone in particular didn't call her.